An Excerpt From my Novel.

SPOILERS CONTAINED!!!!

I'm working on a novel called What Happens when You Don't Know Anything. It's an experimental novel in many ways, combing influences from JD Salinger, Bret Easton Ellis and Chuck Palahniuk. The novel is told primary in first person present tense, with occasional shifts to second person. The protagonist, jimmy Evans, is a degenerate gambler, alcoholic and ignoramus, hence the title of the novel. The scene below is chapter sixteen is is very very unusual. To see how the book looks in a normal chapter, click this link for another sneak peak at a different chapter. Check the video out to see Phil Hellmuth, the poker brat, make an ass of himself at the world series of poker, and then read on...






In the scene that follows, Jimmy has just been beaten up in the men's room at the Rio in Las Vegas by Shelby, whom he owes money too. This is during the World Series of Poker in 2006, which he has been dreaming towards through the novel. He ends up doing a line of coke in the bathroom with his friend Cagney. It's his first time doing cocaine. He then heads out to the poker room at the the Rio to resume playing in the tournament.


It's a bit of a spoiler alert, but shouldn't really take away from the enjoyment of the novel. Let me know how you like this chapter (which, by the way, is all one sentence and uses only ellipses for punctuation)

Chapter 16

What Happens When you Don't Know Anything

by 

Justin W. Price

...and I tell annie and that she looks absolutely fantastic

and she says really

and I say sure 

and I tell veronica that she looks hotter than normal

and she smiles but also looks kind of annoyed by me or maybe just annoyed in general

and then I say hey fellas

and then I say are ya'll ready to play some more cards

and then I say good luck because they are all basically donkeys

and except for the fact that im scratching the hell out of my arm I feel really damn good

and it helps that I won a big pot from the dot com billionaire right before the break because now I have some chips to play with and the american woman needs to stay away from mehee because I really hate that song and im not sure if it's lenny kravitz or grand funk railroad but then I realize it doesnt matter because both versions suck anyway

and we resume play with a new dealer

and I say hey dealer

and then I see an empty seat at our table

and then I see brady

and I say what youre still here you havent been busted out yet

and he says yeah

and then he says not yet

and then I look at his chips and see that he has more than me

and I try to get pissed about it but the anger doesnt seem to come

and I get a shitty hand

and I try to fold it but im on the big blind so they wont let me fold so I check

and then I fold on the flop when the small blind bets out

and I wonder why the hell my arm is so damn itchy

and the dot com billionaire takes a pot from brady

and I call brady a donkey

and he smiles

and I laugh and I order a drink because im parched as hell

and then I say you better make it two because im parched as hell

and the waitress who is not in any way hot says okay

and I realize that I have never noticed the design on this table before

and I find myself unable to tear my eyes away from it but then I get ace king suited

and I go all in

and everyone folds

and the design looks like it could be a pirate or it could maybe be a wave

and I get my drinks

and I find it odd that the whiskey is tasteless

and then I get ace jack

and I raise to five thousand but that is only two times the big blind because the blinds went up after the break but I forgot and because I was focusing on the pirate or the wave

and everyone folds except brady

and I realize how much I hate his stupid bowler hat

and I have about thirty thousand in chips left

and when the flop comes I hit a pair of aces

and I stand up and pace also known as acting also known as hollywood

and I bet half of my remaining chips

and brady gets up

and paces and basically mimics me

and then he says what do you have

and I say that you have to pay to see

and he says okay he will

…(breathe)…

(scratch)…

…(breathescratchbreathescratch)

and the whiskey is still tasteless

and the board says ace two three

and its a rainbow

and I have a pair of aces

and I think brady does too

and I just hope that mine is bigger or I could be in big trouble but I taught brady everything he knows so I know what he has because I know what he knows

and lets dance lets shout shake your body now to the ground

and when the turn comes I go all in because the turn was a jack

and I have made top two pair aces up with my ace

and my jack

and brady calls a little too fast for my taste

and I have sorta a bad feeling but also not a terrible one

and then brady turns over his hand and he has four five

and he flopped the wheel* on the flop and im bascially in need of an ace or a jack or I am in deep trouble because I will be out of the tournament see also felted see also busted

and I say you called a raise with four five

and he says yeah I did

and I call him a donkey

and

…(breathe)…

(scratch)…

…(breathescratchbretahescratchbreathsc)

I tell him that he didnt learn that from me

and he says he knows he didnt but he was branching out

and I realize that I am speaking emptily because im not really mad which is odd because i should be madder than a damn hornet but im not and I wonder how much more whiskey I can drink before im drunk because ive had about eight shots

and I dont feel a damn thing from the liquor

and I order another drink but before it comes the river comes

and its a seven

and just like that im done with the world series as a big fat loser see also a zero see also a donkey

and I shake bradys hand but it feels weird

and I dont like it not one bit

and I whisper in his ear and remind him that he owes me ten percent of his winnings if he cashes

and I know he wont cash but he says okay anyway

and I walk out to annie

and veronica

and annie has her hand over her mouth seemingly horrified

and veronica looks a little sad

and thank god that shelby is not in sight but then I see him out of the corner of my eye on his cell phone but hes not looking at me which makes me happy because my stomach is still pretty sore from our last encounter

…(breathe)…

(scratch)…

…(inhalescratchbreathinhalebreathscratch)

and annie says shes sorry

and sorta hugs me a little

and I say thanks

and then she asks if im mad after losing and I say no not really

and she says well are you at least disappointed

and I say no and she asks me why

and I say I dunno but could be because im really high

and feel sorta good all over

and I ask her if she would like to go up to my room for a bit

and she looks at me disgustedly

and says jimmy what are you high on

and I scratch my arm

and tell her I like her froggy necklace

and I cant take my eyes off  of it

and she says again jimmy are you high on

and I say something I got from cagney

and were walking through the casino

and im still fascinated by the frog necklace see also the pirate see also the wave see the pirate froggy wave

and she says something you got from cagney

and I say yes are you deaf and veronica says dont be rude

and I say okay

and annie says cagney is a coke head isnt he

and I say yeah he is mostly

and she says did cagney give you coke

and I really dont wanna tell her from some reason but then I do and I say yes I did

and she scoffs

and storms off

and veronica does too

and annie tells me as she is walking away that she is totally

and completely disgusted with me

and that I should never ever call her again...