A new direction

I'm forty now and I want to take my life, and this blog, in a new direction. I want to be more outwardly and otherly focused. So, I'm going to be using this blog now to pontificate on spiritual matters-- matters of eternal importance. I'm not a pastor. I don't have any formal training in the world of theology. The information here will be based on my own experiences and research. Feel free to chime in if you think something is wrong, but please understand my perspective in writing this. 

I wanted to open with a verse that spoke to me today, Ephesians 4:32: "Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."

I'm coming out today as a n angry person. I don't know where it comes from, but I just have this seething rage constantly below the surface. There are external forces and incidents that I can point to that have made me feel angry, but, this internalized anger, I feel like it's always been there. I'm a very expressive person. I'm not afraid to show my emotions, the good, the bad, and the ugly, I wear my heart on my sleeve but, it seems, the old idiom that one should just get out their anger, doesn't seem to work for me. 

What this tells me is that this is a deep seated spiritual issue. It's a failure to remember that I'm forgiven. It's a failure to realize that i am a human being created in the Image of God and failure to remember that I am loved, wholly by God. I could point to some anger I have toward certain members of my family, toward certain past relationships. I'm not here to throw anyone under the bus. These are my issues. I can choose how to respond to the lemons that life has thrown at me and, generally, I have chosen poorly. 

This is often manifested in my short temper and in t\he way that I treat people. Most people that know me think I'm a nice person with a kind heart. While I think that's generally true, I often treat people with a huge degree of unkindness. I don't give them grace or the benefit of the doubt. I jump to conclusions and I make snap judgments. This stems from that anger. I have to be vigilant and pray against the ruler of this world. He's sneaky and malicious and vile and I let him win too many times. But he's not more powerful than I am... and certainly not more powerful than my God! He cannot rob me of my soul or take away forgiveness-- but he can steal my joy if I let him.

So, I'm going to choose love. I'm going to remind myself that I am forgiven. I'm going to remind myself that that person that I am angry at or judging is a child made in the image of God.  I am going to remind myself that I am made in the image of God. I'm going to give Him my anger. I want to reflect the love of Christ that He has for me... and to do that, I need to be more loving and kind and feel that love in myself. This is my prayer today.