The Aloof

I think my introversion and general aloofness leads people to think I don’t care. Like my recently departed dog Baby, I do care. Very much. I’m just likely going to keep my distance and not pursue my loved ones as much as they’d like.

Baby would sleep in the hallway or bedroom door (if the door was open) when we were out in the living room. Every hour or so, she would mosey on out, look my wife and I in the eye, have a drink of water and then go back to sleep. She was just checking on us. She was showing she cared, but also keeping her distance. There’s a reason dogs and owners connect. They take on each other’s personality traits. We always wanted her to stay, and sometimes she’d flop down in front of us, but usually, she would retreat back to the bedroom for a few hours before checking on us again.

I’m not the type to pick up my phone call and have a conversation with someone, but, if you’re in town, I’m going to totally want to catch a movie with you or have you over for dinner. Don’t take my lack of conversation as me not caring. I’m just happy to be with you.

I like texting. Texting allows me to keep in touch quickly and often with several people at once. This, for me, is a great way to connect and it allows me to touch base with someone quickly and respond at my leisure.

But it’s not that I don’t care. I do. I just don’t always know how to show it.

I want people to know, especially my family, that I treasure you and love you and that I am always here for you. You can get in touch with me any time of the day or night, whether you just want to talk or you have some crisis or emergency that you need my help/input on. Pursue me. I’ll be here for you, no matter what.

But please don’t expect me to be the pursuer. It’s not that I don’t care to pursue you, it’s that I don’t know how too. It’s not natural for me and, after thirty-two years of not knowing how to do it, it’s going to take quite a bit of retraining and rewiring to be able to do this. It may not ever happen, and I’m okay with that. I am who I am. I’m wired the way I’m wired. But, I’m sorry if my aloofness hurts of frustrates you, I really am. It frustrates me too. Believe that.

But it’s who I am.

But never forget, I will be here for you. Always.

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