Confessions of a Poor Sport

Hello. My name is Justin and I'm a spoil sport.

I gloat when I win and I whine when I lose. I hate this about myself. My wife hates it. My family hates it. No one will play games with me because of my attitude, which stinks, because I love games. But, the truth is, I'm not sure I can help being a poor sport.

How did I get to be like this?

I'm the oldest of four, but in many ways I don't feel like it. I was picked on mercilessly in grade school and middle school. My siblings were not.. I attempted to find an identity in sports but found I wasn't very good. I had a few big hits in baseball, but scored a total of four points in seven seasons of basketball. I played a season of football and got on the field for a total of seven plays. Meanwhile, my younger brothers had a modicum of success in sports. It seemed I had to work for everything and still came up short.

I decided then to follow in my father's footsteps and turn to music. I tried the drums but it was too expensive to maintain so I switched to guitar. I did well, but I never played pop music. I was more into Sonic Youth and  other experimental bands and when I'd organize concerts at local grange halls, my band would always have the smallest audience. Meanwhile those around me with what I perceived as less talent would have more success and more fans. I was insanely jealous, but hid this behind the chant of "I'm not a sellout."

The truth is, is burned me up inside. Still doe.s This comes out in my disgust towards the Biebers and Stephanie Meyers' of this world; talent less hacks who seem to have more success and cash then they know what to do with. It doesn't seem fair. It makes me... see? Here I go. Whining again.

Still, I worked very hard, and with no pay off.

Even now as an adult, I work very hard. I'm a talented writer and a a skilled teacher. This is a profession that's hard to make a living at, admittedly, and I work really hard. I scrape by. I barely make a living. I've been published in numerous magazines, work for a magazine and a newspaper, edit and ghost write. I'm busy. I have a good reputation. I go to school full time so that I can get a good job as a professor to support my writing habit. I hope this career path pays off. I feel like I'm bursting with talent and I shouldn't have to work this hard, especially when I see many, like those aforementioned, who do not have talent. How hard did they work to achieve success? Did they work, or did it just fall into place for them?

So, I play board games, word games, card games and all other kinds of games. I do well at most of them. I've made a lot of money playing poker, I do reasonably well at Backgammon and Monopoly but I struggle at Risk. I have good strategy, but never get the right roles.

But when I lose, I whine and it's no fun for anyone. When you feel like your whole life you have to work and work and work just to get by but feel those around you often get things handed to them, it's hard when you lose, even at something as insignificant as a board game.

I know others work hard. But that doesn't change how I feel. I want to change. I want to be pleasant, a more gracious winner and a graceful loser. I truly do. I'm just not sure how.