Nearing the End

My wife and I have chosen not to have kids. I won't get into all the reasons for this, because it's very personal and no one's business but our ours. nonetheless, we consider ourselves parents. Of dogs. Folks that have biological children to care for perhaps don't understand this, but,we love our dogs as much as a we would love a human child. They are our babies.

The unfortunate part of being a dog parent is that you are, in all likelihood, going to outlive your child. Parents of human children generally aren't going to experience this, and this puts pet parents in a unique and terrible position. Every ten or fifteen years, they will go through a grief cycle over the loss of their child. Each time rips your heart out, but you take comfort in new dogs to love and care for and in being able to share that grief with others.

Our thirteen year old chow mix, Baby, was diagnosed yesterday with renal disease. Last September, she underwent major surgery to remove a tumor from her chest. She was placed on pain medication and the vet informed us that it would likely destroy her kidney and liver function in the next year or so, and we had to make a choice. the pain medication would likely shorten her life, but also give her a better quality of life while she was alive. We opted for the better quality, which was right decision.

Her liver has been bad for months and now, her kidneys appear to be non functional. Her urine has the consistency of water. She's had explosive diarrhea for nearly a week. The end is near.

She's currently on food designed to curtail the diarrhea and seems to be doing better. After that she will begin a regimen of food designed to stem the tide of renal failure. Renal disease cannot be cured without a new kidney and, quite frankly, it would be foolhardy to perform that kind of operation on a thirteen year old dog, especially one that has already exceeded her life span.

The vet gave us six to twelve months, and probably closer to six. She could realistically pass any time. We just want to manage her pain until she tells us it's time to pass. She still has joy in her face and loves to eat. these are good signs. but, she's not allowed to eat anything except her medicated food. She loves the food, but she's used to getting treats and variety in her diet. This lack of variety could become a quality of life issue very quickly. She's also been in diapers to take care of her urinary incontinence for about a year.

When that time comes, we're going to put her down and have her cremated. We're going to scatter her ashes on the beach. She loved the beach and we're hoping to take her to the beach one more time before we put her down. It's where she's happiest.

We hope she has six months. We hope she has a year. We hope we never have to lose her. But, Jesus probably wants to spend time with her. I take comfort in imagining her sitting with Jesus, Him scratching behind her ears and that favorite spot on her rump. Baby eating all the grapes and steak her little heart desires, and living a pain free existence.

I know I shouldn't be grieving someone who's still with us, but I certainly write this with a heavy heart. The tears have flown freely. It's been healthy. And terrible.